Simply put, reconciliation means restoration. It means making one view and/or belief compatible with another.
Reconciliation involves two or more people, places, or things and for that reason, there are times when reconciliation, especially between two people, isn’t possible.
Before we get into what to do when it isn’t possible, let’s take a closer look at what reconciliation is.
What is Reconciliation
Before retiring from my position as a Corporate Controller for an advertising agency, one of the things I loved to do at the end of the month was account reconciliation.
To most accountants, this was a dreaded job but for me, I loved to gather all of the information, input it in my spreadsheet and see the variance equal zero.
That meant that the two sets of records were in agreement.
For example, the general ledger cash balance equaled the bank balance after taking into account outstanding checks, deposits in transit, and other items that may have been posted in the wrong period.
Just thinking about it takes me back to the corporate world. Rest assured, I’m not going to bore you with accounting…now, back to reconciliation.
Reconciliation, in terms of people means bringing two people together to be cordial again. It represents a change between two people.
To be clear, reconciliation means that there was a breakdown or separation in the relationship and that there was a change in the state of the relationship.
The Importance of Reconciliation
It is very difficult to move forward without reconciling your differences. These differences can be between two people, two different ideas, values, beliefs, etc.
It can even be reconciling your head with your heart.
How many times and how many people have remained in relationships that they shouldn’t have because they had love for a person in their heart but, intellectually speaking, they knew they shouldn’t be with that person?
It happens more often than we can begin to speculate.
For that reason, moving forward, it’s important to take a look at some areas that should be reconciled so that you can begin living your best life.
Areas That Need to Be Reconciled
- Head and heart – as mentioned above, the head is responsible for the logical and the heart is responsible for the emotional. When the two are out of balance, our decision-making will be out of balance as well.
- Beliefs and behaviors – when your beliefs are not in alignment with your behavior, your actions will always be inconsistent. This is, in part, why it’s difficult for people to create better habits. They may not believe in what they are working towards.
- Physical and spiritual – we are more than just bones, blood, and flesh. All of us exist on a level beyond the physical plane. To think differently is to limit yourself and your ability to accomplish the impossible.
- Personality and soul – the personality is limited, aged, timed, and confined to the five senses. The soul, on the other hand, is infinite, ageless, timeless, and limitless.
- Conscious and unconscious – the conscious mind is the conductor and the unconscious mind is the musicians. The conscious mind is responsible for telling the unconscious mind what to do but the unconscious mind is responsible for carrying it out. Without the conductor, there is no direction but without the unconscious mind, there is no music.
As mentioned previously, there are times when reconciliation is not possible.
When Reconciliation is Not Possible
Most of us want to believe that there is always a “happily ever after” but those of us who’ve lived and experienced life know that that is not always the case.
There are times when it is not possible to reconcile a relationship with someone. One of those times is when the other party involved dies before we have an opportunity to restore the relationship.
Another time is when the relationship between the two parties is extremely toxic, especially if it is between a parent and child.
Lastly, when a relationship is abusive. The abuse can occur physically, emotionally, mentally, financially, spiritually, etc.
Anytime abuse is present in a relationship, especially if one of the parties involved is not willing to acknowledge their role in the separation, makes reconciliation extremely hard.
How to Move on When Reconciliation is NOT possible
Grieve
It is important for you to grieve the loss of the relationship AND grieve the loss of the opportunity of reconciliation.
Forgive
While reconciliation takes two people, forgiveness does not.
You have the power and the ability to forgive the person. Whether they’ve acknowledged their wrong doing. Forgiveness is ONLY for you, not the other person.
Accept
You must accept the fact that reconciliation isn’t possible. This is not an indicator of anything that you’ve done wrong, it’s simply where you are right now in the relationship.
Not reconciling in the moment doesn’t mean that reconciliation won’t happen, it means that it isn’t happening now.
Surround
Make sure you surround yourself with people who love, appreciate, and accept you for who you are. When reconciliation isn’t possible, it’s easy to blame yourself and have feelings of guilt and shame.
Don’t let one relationship ruin your self-esteem or your current relationships.
Life is a journey, it is not a destination. If you’re ready to travel the journey of life and discover yourself, then make sure you join the waitlist for my group coaching program, 90 Days to Discovering Yourself.
Heal your past and discover your highest self with this group coaching program.
Click below to join the waitlist.
