The way you speak to yourself is crucial and that’s why being aware of negative self-talk is vitally important.
Today, we put so much emphasis on the way we treat and talk to other people, as a result, very rarely do we consider the way we speak to ourselves.
Negative self-talk can distort an accurate evaluation of any given situation and, in turn, prevents you from learning and growing.
What is Negative Self-Talk
Negative self-talk is a conversation you have with yourself that limits you in one way or another. It can lead to limiting beliefs so it’s important to stop it as soon as you recognize it.
Negative self-talk is tricky because it can sound realistic on the surface when you say things like, “since no one purchased my product, it may not be any good.” This statement is partially false because you haven’t considered other factors like timing, marketing, audience, etc.
Be careful because this negative self-talk can quickly turn into fear and distort the situation where you move from saying the above to, “no one purchased my product because it’s not any good so my business can go into bankruptcy.”
It’s important to consider all factors when speaking to yourself.
Just like there are a number of reasons why your product didn’t sell, there are a number of reasons why you may speak to yourself negatively.
Causes of Negative Self-Talk
Life events
If you have experienced any time of serious illness in your life, it could be a reason you speak to yourself negatively. It’s easy to fall victim to your circumstance and somehow believe that what you are experiencing is out of your control
While the “what” may be out of your control, the “how” you respond to it is totally within your sphere of influence. Nonetheless, it could be a contributing factor as to why you speak to yourself negatively.
Included with illness is any type of abuse whether its sexual, physical, emotional, spiritual, financial, etc. as well as personality issues. These three things are contributing factors to negative self-talk.
No self or very low quality self-care
Your self-care, or lack thereof, is a cause of negative self-talk. This can include:
- Poor nutrition
- Lack of exercise
- Poor sleep quality
- No spiritual practice/guidance
- Lousy sex life
- Lack of emotional control
It is important that you take care of yourself. Remember, “put on your own oxygen masks first.”
Trying to do it all
I know so many women who are guilty of trying to do it all…ALONE! It would do the entire world some good if you just stopped pretending to be superman or wonder woman.
NEWSFLASH: she doesn’t exist! She’s not real…she’s a made up character!
You should ask for help when you need it. When you make the choice to not ask for help, you remain stuck in the cycle of negative self-talk because you are only talking to yourself.
Spending too much time alone
Spending too much time along is possible even if you’re an introvert. And the truth be told, this can happen with both introverts and extroverts. Your personality type has nothing to do with whether or not you speak to yourself negatively.
However, when you are around others, they provide a distraction from your very own thoughts process.
Spending time with negative people
You’ve heard the saying, “birds of a feather flock together.” It’s true, you hang out with people who are just like you. If you hang out with negative people, you will find yourself being negative also. Their negative behavior reinforces your own.
Get as far away as you can from negative people, especially if you want to avoid negative self-talk.
Effects of Negative Self-Talk
According to the Law of Cause and Effect, every cause has an effect and every effect has a cause. Negative self-talk is no different.
Below are some of the effects of negative self-talk. Some of these effects are more common while others may be hard to wrap your head around.
It would be a good idea to sit with these effects so that you can have a greater understanding of the impact.
- Perfectionism – you believe that perfection is attainable and you dismiss “great” for “perfect”
- Limited Thinking – self-fulfilling prophecy: you tell yourself you can’t do something and you don’t/can’t
- Insecurity – you begin to doubt your own skills and abilities
- Overweight – due to lack of self-care
- Ruined Relationships
- Increased Stress
- Decreased Motivation
How to Identify Negative Self-talk
Very few people believe they speak to themselves negatively. This is because very few people actually take the time to listen and pay attention to how they speak to themselves.
So, how do you know whether or not you engage in negative self-talk? Here are a few ways to know:
Taking things personally
Typically, you blame yourself when something happens. You assume that you are the reason something bad has happened. You never consider other factors. It has to be you.
There is only black or white, good or bad, right or wrong
For you, there is no in between or gray area. There is no middle ground. There is only perfection.
All you see is the bad in any given situation
You concentrate on what didn’t go right instead of seeing all of the things that worked out for you. Instead of celebrating the 30%, you focus on the 70% that didn’t get completed.
Hope for the best, expect the worst
This is the worst advice that many parents have given their children. You only expect the worst. Just because one bad thing happens, you believe that everything else will be bad.
Ending Negative Self-Talk
Here are seven easy ways to end negative self-talk:
- Recognize the negativity: ask yourself, “would I say this to a friend?”
- Stop the thought immediately.
- Move from negativity to neutral: ask yourself, “is this 100% true?”
- Shift your perspective
- Meditation
- Positive Affirmations
- Practicing gratitude
When you mitigate negative self-talk you’ll begin to experience more of life, live abundantly, and attract others who are on the journey of healing, growth, abundance, and prosperity.
To learn more about resources available to you regarding negative self-talk, check out my YouTube video.
I’d love to hear from you. What surprised you the most about negative self-talk? Leave it in the comments.
